Any questions?

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

I think there is something in the water, or maybe it's in the food supply that is making people grow too fast. Let me explain. I was at a wedding this weekend and I saw a BEAUTIFUL woman. She was about 5'4", 110 pounds, with an AMAZING body. She was all bam-boom-pow! She was kickin' like Van Dam! Anyway, I start talking to her and we are hitting off really well, that is until I found out how old she is.....16!!!! Que the f*ck!?! This girl easily looks to be my age. She definitely doesn't have the face or body of a 16 year old, but that she is. Of course, I immediately stopped flirting with her and went back to drinking my beer. Very disappointing.

Follow the yellow brick road

I have had an ongoing inquisition into the global diversification of the creature most popularly known as the midget. I have seen a white midget (obviously, duh), a black midget, a Philipino midget, and an Indian (as in India) midget. As a side note, the Indian midget looked taller because of the turbin on his head. Here's what I'm wondering: where are the other midgets? How come no one ever sees an Eskimo midget? Or an American Indian midget? What about the Arabian midget? Where are these elusive creatures? I have a theory. I think that they are sacrificed to the gods. As some of you may remember, I am almost pure American Creek Indian. I recently asked the current ceremonial tribal chief his thoughts on this subject. He said that there is no record of their ever being an American Indian midget for many many moons. The stories that serve as the "official record" don't have anyone named "Dances with Short Legs" or "Waddles like a Duck". Anyway, has anyone seen any of these elusive creatures? Let me know!

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

So it is now almost 2:00 and I've already gone next door to get a case of beer for me and a couple of co-workers. I absolutely love this job! I use the term "job" loosely since they pay me a ton of money to do what I am good at, drink beer, and work with pleasant people. If I just didn't have to be here at 8am every morning I would probably just call this my hobby rather than my job.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I have been noticing more and more rainbow stickers on cars lately. As I'm sure you all know, that is the sign for gay people to identify themselves. Here's my question: Who gave them the right to use the rainbow as their official sign? First off, let me start by saying that this is not a gay-bashing post in any way, I'm just posing a question here. Being raised in a Baptist household, I was always taught that the rainbow was a sign from God, not a sign from a gay person. So why would the gay pride nation decide to use this as their official symbol? Why not a gerbil? Or what about a sign with a man biting a pillow on it? These seem to make so much more sense to me. As for the lady gays, also known as lesbians, you could have a picture of a woman eating a taco (the taco would need to be pink). I have asked a few gay people why they use the rainbow and none could give me an answer. TK Chad still wouldn't admit that he is gay, and the other 2 gays that I asked simply didn't know. Even my homophobic (she's hates the gays) friend Lasheandra couldn't tell me the answer when I asked her a while back. I guess this will remain unanswered.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

So here's the scoop from last night's date. We had 7:00 reservations at Felix's Fish Camp. It was packed when we got there so I'm glad that I nade reservations. We had some wine and appetizers. Their turtle soup is remarkable, but their cheese grits are lacking in my opinion. I had the catch of the day almondine. They overcooked the almonds when they sauteed them! Can you believe that? I pay $100 for dinner and they can't even cook my food correctly! Anyway, so then we went to Cafe 615 for after dinner drinks. I ordered a $50 bottle of wine. It was REALLY good, but unfortunately it disappears just as fast as a $10 bottle of wine. Overall I spent $160 on a first date and I didn't even get a kiss! I think that I could have if I tried, but I get shy sometimes. Our next date will be somewhere cheaper, I'm thinking Chuckie Cheese.

I FINALLY have a date

It seems like forever since I have gone out on a real date. Of course, there have been other times where I was out with a woman, but not on a "real" date. Anyway, I'm taking a girl to Felix's Fish Camp tonight. I haven't been there in years. All I remember about their food is that they have good turtle soup. If all goes well I already have another date scheduled with her for Friday night.

Just some good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm

I went and saw the Dukes of Hazzard movie with a girlfriend of mine last night. IT WAS AWESOME! I loved it. Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott are hilarious in this movie. The women, ah the women, in this movie are killer! Some of these girls are slap-your-mama fine. If you go see the movie, make sure to watch the out-takes when the credits are rolling....freakin hilarious. Ironically, all the movie critics said that the movie was crap and wasn't funny at all. That's that bullsh*t!

What happens in Biloxi doesn't stay in Biloxi

I went to the Beau Rivage Friday night with some buddies that I haven't hung out with in quite some time. One of them was in from Arkansas. He's actually the guy that I used to live with in college that taught me all the pimp moves that work so well. I'd go into more detail, but I'm pretty sure that no one wants to hear about that. So, I decided that we are going to be VIP players at the casino. I start off by pulling my luxury vehicle up to the VIP valet dropoff right up front. I threw the keys to the valet and said "keep it close by and there better not be a scratch on it when i get back." They immediately open the doors for me and my crew. They have already started treating us like royalty. We went straight to the tables and dropped a wad of cash on blackjack so that we could get dinner comped. It worked. Free dinner. I love Alaskan king crab and I ate a ton of it! We played for hours. We had hot women hanging all around us when the stacks of chips were high. It was great even though I think they were mostly high class call girls, but they were still nice to look at. A famous rapper once told me that real dogs don't pay for cat. I took that lesson to heart and have never "paid for cat." Overall it was a very good night. I won some, I lost some, but at the end of the night I hadn't lost a dime and everything was paid for so I was happy. I just wish that I could have had a "happy ending" to go with it!

Another one bites the dust

Ok, I have again broken a vow. I was doing pretty well at not getting drunk for the last 2 weeks, but it all came to an end last night. I went to a chick's downtown apartment last night to watch Hitch and have a couple of beers. Well, 6 beers later my vow was officially broken. I wasn't plastered or anything, but I felt pretty darn good. See what effect women have on me? I swear! Anyway, the movie was pretty good. I picked up some pointers from Hitch. I also plan on using the Q-tip dance that Kevin James does in the movie. It was awesome!

Here I am again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known!

Well here I am, I have finally arrived in the blogosphere. You would think that I would have created one of these things prior to this point since it is part of my profession, but oh no, you'd be wrong! I doubt that my blog will be anything special, amusing, or even somewhat interesting to most, but who cares. I really can't post details of my rare and totally random escapades since I don't want to give any future hookups a heads up as to how they will be used.

Anyway, on a totally surprising note, I have given up drinking. Ok, I'm a liar, but I HAVE given up on getting drunk. It has been almost 2 weeks since I got drunk last. That's pretty good for me.