Shoot me now!

I'm about to go insane! My mother just informed me that we are having a birthday weekend for my grandmother at my house in a couple of weeks. I need to vent for a minute. My house is not big enough for this. I do not have enough patience for this. I do not want to host this. I can not stand being around my family long enough to do this. I have plans to go to a kick ass party that weekend. My family thinks I live in the ghetto (which I don't). WHY THE HELL ARE THEY COMING HERE?!?

The Oh Face

A friend of mine came over a few nights ago and we went downtown and partied like Amish people at a barn raising. We stayed out way too late and drank way too much, but that's not the moral of this story. Evidently my friend doesn't remember the evening very well and was having trouble remembering if "hooking up" was involved (since we all know that I like to kiss friends). Oddly enough, she remembers waking up naked, but she supposedly always sleeps in the nude (I have not witnessed this myself). Not being one to pass up an opportunity like this, I start laying on the stories. She is now convinced that she had 9 orgasms over the period of a couple of hours before I finally decided to call it a night. Now keep in mind that I could easily have actually achieved this, but in my drunken state, I did not. Also, I am not stating that I had any type of sexual relations with this woman, I merely made her believe that we had. Now she won't quit calling because she wants to come over and reenact that night so that she can remember nine Big-Os. I'll have to see if I can fit her into my schedule. This will be another story for the grandkids one day...

Do you have some spare change mister???

I wanted to do something for the homeless people in the area for Thanksgiving. I thought about giving them some money, but I knew that they would just use it for alcohol and drugs. Then I realized that I was planning on wasting my money on the same things! Isn't it ironic? I was looking down on the homeless for spending money on booze and I plan on doing the same.

In lieu of giving money, I decided to make some Thanksgiving bag lunches for them. I packed up some nice little miniature Thanksgiving dinners from the leftovers of the "Thanksgiving with Friends" dinner that we had a couple of nights prior. They were all very grateful. One guy starting crying when I gave it to him. Another guy couldn't look me in the eyes once I handed him the food. He seemed so ashamed to be in that situation. Most of the homeless people that I found were actually evacuees from either Katrina or Rita. They were sleeping in parks with all the belongings that they could carry. It was really quite sad.

This sums it up pretty well

I'm Europe Ian (read it quickly out loud)

I thought of that in the middle of the night last night for no reason whatsoever.

I did WHAT?!?

Well, I evidently had a good time at Josh's going away party on Friday night. I managed to run up a $200 bar tab before I staggered out the door of Grand Central. I'd like to thank all of my friends that helped me piece together the few shreds of memories from that night by retelling the voice mails or conversations that I had with them that night. I vaguely remember asking Blondie to marry me. Luckily she too was drunk so she just laughed it off, otherwise she might be Mrs.Master right now. I left a hiccup-laden message on Carrie B.'s phone as I wandered around looking for my car that I left with Michael Jackson. It seemed to be miles and miles away from the bar due to those damn Arts Alive people that were taking up all the good spots. I think I called Mags but I'm not sure what the message said since the damn diva doesn't ever return my calls on the weekend. Good times all around even though I am now $200 poorer...