All I want for Christmas!

This is all I want for Christmas....click here.

My bizatches

Here's a pic of some of the girls that I go drinking with when my "regular friends" would rather go home to their pj's. No, before you ask, I do not hook up with all of them. That doesn't mean that I haven't hooked up with some of them, just not all of them.

It's the age of Aquarius!

Ok ladies, I got an in-depth astrological reading yesterday. It says, among other things, that my ideal mate is an Aquarius. Now, I have no idea what month that is, or if any of you fit the bill, but if you do please COME ON DOWN! Since our relationship success is written in the stars I think that we shouldn't ignore fate any longer than we already have. Please send me your name, age, and a fully nude picture. Thank you.

Is this meant for you?

Without you life is black not white.
Without you the world has no hope, no light.
Without you I can't go left or right.
Without you I lose my sight.

I'm not an idiot!!!

This needs to be said. I am NOT an idiot! I am NOT stupid! I do NOT appreciate being lied to. Some people evidently mistakenly associate my crude and jovial attitude with a lack of intelligence. People, this is probably the most conceited statement that will ever come from my mouth, but I am a certified genius. I have taken tests that prove this. I have been admitted to MENSA (though I found it very boring). I find it very insulting when I am lied to by friends as if I am some dumb blonde that will believe anything said to me. Give me a break! Geez.

Look out ladies...here I come

Shelby's poem...and my response

"Ode to Saturday night (the X-mas Thieves)"
**************************************************
by Shelby D. Mitchell
especially prepared for Ian, Mags, & Steph
**************************************************

Twas the night of the Big & Rich/Gretchen Wilson show
Me, Dan, our dates, and all of our winners got to go.

We had a great time, the show really rocked!
When we went backstage I saw some of my friends getting really crocked

When I went to the ladies room I got in a fight
I knew in moment that it just wasn't right.

So I went back to my seat, sat next to Dan's wife
who was singing along with all of her might.

We watched Gretchen, John, Kenny with the Big head
although but Kim didn't care for "Two-foot Fred"

After the show, Dan was making such a clatter
running thru the parking lot I asked what was the matter?

Dan was in a rush to get out of there and go
he said Georgia won! I gotta check out my TIVO!

So my date the fireman and I met my buddies downtown
...the same ones from backstage were having ANOTHER round.

At Grand Central we saw folks that had gone to the show here
we could tell by ther cowboy hats and by ALL the beer.

I watched my friends now working on doing MORE shots
(the designated driver was entertained a lot).

On Maggie! On Stephanie! And don't forget Stacy!
And my buddy IAN, who hits on chicks like crazy!

My date and I left to hit the late-night drive thru
(because at ya know At 2am that's what ya GOTTA do)

When we got to my house...my porch was bare!
I HAD nice furniture, plants, and a brand new Christmas wreath there!

I asked my date, the fireman, "Where'd all my stuff go?"
He said...well you DO live in midtown...so...I don't know...

Then laying a finger aside of my nose,
I spotted IAN's beer can where my sega palm grows

Then I knew in flash who had taken my things...
My goofy drunk friends, after 42 drinks!

I checked my messages and yes it was true,
everything was okay, so I wasn't blue.

I looked at the Fireman and said with a smile...
It’s okay, I'll get them back in style!



********* IAN'S RESPONSE ********
Here's my response, and be sure to listen closely,
As I'm writing this rap, I'm feeling kinda toasty
Sitting next the fire thinking of ways
to pull off a better prank that'll be remembered for days.

We were barely trying, those few days ago
When we drunkenly stole from the porch of that ho.

Tonight's another night Steph says with a grin
We'll get her even better when we do it again!

Little does she know what she has coming
For as most people know we're wicked and cunning.

It's times like these that I'm glad she has no gun,
'Cause if you did this to me I'd blast you one!

Now Mags is the most innocent of these musketeers
But she's the team pro at stuffing rocking chairs.

I'm going to leave it that, with no more details
So that you don't know what's coming, or make our plan fail.

Have a good night and be sure to sleep tight
But just to let you know, "Girl, we ain't right!"

The most important night of television

As I sit here anticipating tonight's awesome Jason Mraz concert at the Saenger Theater that I am attending, I have realized that I will be missing the MOST IMPORTANT NIGHT OF TELEVISION! Tonight is the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show!!! I wait all year for this! It's not often that you get all of the world's HOTTEST women, strip them down to just their SEXY lingerie and put them on national tv. Sigh. I love them. The things I would do to Gisele, Adriana Lima, and Heidi Klum! Wow, I think I need to go to chuch after the thought I just had!

Ooh Rah!

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who is this home did live.

I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.

No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought came through my mind.

For this house was different, it was dark and dreary; I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier.

Was this the hero of whom I’d just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?

I realized the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, the children would play, and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.

I couldn’t help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.

The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry.

The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, “Santa don’t cry, this life is my choice;

I fight for freedom, I don’t ask for more, my life is my God, my Country, my Corps.”

The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep, I couldn’t control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent and still and we both shivered from the cold night’s chill.

I didn’t want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered, “Carry on Santa, It’s Christmas Day, all is secure.”

One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. “Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night!”

A Marine wrote this poem.