Rent-A-Daddy will save the world!!!

I have an idea for a new business venture. I think it's a great idea. Don't burst my bubble if you disagree. I got my inspiration while I was at a store and noticed a teenage male treating his mother like crap. He obviously didn't have a father in his life to keep in line, and his mother was half his size and couldn't control him anymore. That's where I came up with the vision of Rent-A-Daddy Inc! Rent-A-Daddy will send a grown ass man over to your house any time that your punk ass kid needs some discipline. Are your kid's grades failing? Call Rent-A-Daddy. Is your kid doing drugs? Call Rent-A-Daddy. Does Little Junior think he's a gangsta? Rent-A-Daddy will beat the gangsta right out of his Thug Life ass! Does he have a gun? Don't worry, Rent-A-Daddy specializes in pistol whipping him with his own gat. Basically, if your kid is out of control, we'll get his butt back in line for you. Satisfaction guaranteed. 30 day money back guarantee.

Stupid criminal + funny cop

One of my sisters is married to a cop. Yes, it is quite ironic that the guy that routinely has warrants out for his arrest (me) has a cop in the family. Anyway, a few nights ago he got a call about a small country church with a silent alarm reporting a break in. Him and his partner arrive at the little country church with their lights and sirens off so that they could sneak up on the crooks. As they are creeping around in the church, they realize that the burglars were around the corner in the next room putting on costumes that they had found. My bro-in-law the cop, being the wise guy that he is, told his partner to stay put and quiet until one of the guys was completely in costume. At that point, the cops came out of hiding and arrested the 2 males. They were 18 and 19 years old, respectively. Here's the funny part: One of the burglars was now fully dressed in a Batman costume and thus was taken into custody in costume, booked at Metro Jail in costume, and his mug shot is also in costume (without the mask of course). How friggin hilarious is that??? I bet the other "residents" of the jail had a good time with Batman!

Am I breaking the law (yet again)???

I may or may not be breaking the law...I'm not quite sure. I just got my pistol permit renewed today. As I was skimming the brochure that they pass out with the permit, I came upon Alabama Law 13A-11-72. Part B of this law states that "No person who is a drug addict or an habitual drunkard shall own a pistol or have one in his possession or under his control." Now, I'm obviously not a drug addict, but I do partake in an adult beverage under more than occasional circumstances. So, that being said, I wonder if I am breaking the law. I mean, I not only own a pistol (or 5), but I also have a permit to carry a pistol on me at any time. Hmmmm....I wonder.

Is anyone reading this random crap from my head???

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

A little place called Heaven

I truly believe that this is what Heaven looks like. There will be a giant refrigerator at the corner of 2 gold paved streets. Inside that refrigerator you will find every beer known to man....and even some that have been specially brewed by the angels as well as some of the other notable residents of Heaven. For instance, we all know that Ben Franklin was an avid brewmaster. I'm sure he has some nice varieties up there. This aspect of Heaven is obviously the reason that there are gates around it!

Name That Company

Well, it's time for me to incorporate my web businesses. I need to do so in order to get a MUCH more favorable tax rate. In Alabama, the corporate tax rate is a mere 6.5%, whereas I am paying well over 30% as a sole proprietorship. Also, corporations in Alabama only pay taxes on the profit, not income. As well all know too well, the government taxes our personal income, not personal profit. So, once I pay all my expenses for supplies, internet service, payment processing fees, home office, and salaries (mine included), the taxable profit will be much lower than the initial amount. I don't know why I have waiting so long to do this!

Anyway, back to the point of this post. I need a company name. Any suggestions???

Sometimes You Just Feel Like Dancing!!!

Update

For those of you that have clicked on the ads on this page, I want to say thanks! I'm averaging $2 per day now. That doesn't sound like much, but keep in mind that totals up to $730 per year! It's better than nothing.

Easy Money

As many of my friends and colleagues already know, I make a fair amount of extra money on the internet. My goal is to quit working my 9-5 job entirely once I reach $100k per year online. Anyway, just to show you how easy it is, I'll show you my latest example. I sent the affiliate link for my web host, Bluehost, to a fellow Internet Marketer that needed a new place to host his websites. Just by referring that person, I made a $65 commission! How easy was that? I simply sent him a link in an email and now I have $65 more than I had at the start of the day. Easy money.

Incredible Hulk???

It has been said that humans with Down Syndrome have the extraordinary strength of a chimpanzee. Most people don't realize how incredibly strong a chimp actually is. To me, this leaves an unanswered question or two. How strong is a chimpanzee with Down Syndrome? Is it as strong as a gorilla??? Furthermore, what about a gorilla with Down Syndrome? How strong is that mo-fro? I'm guessing that is where the inspiration for the Incredible Hulk came from. The creator of that character must have come across of Down Syndrome gorilla at least once in his life.

I'm rich beyatch!!!

Aw skit! I just made my first 35 cents from this blog. Someone clicked on a Google ad at the top and now I'm rich. What should I do first? Trip to the Bahamas? Cooking lessons in Paris? Or maybe just buy a jet and fly around the world. So many options...it sure is nice to be rich!

Now ladies, before you all start flooding me with romantic invitations, let me just say that I already have too many gold diggin hoes as it is. However, I will put your name on the waiting list and contact you when I have a position open.

In case you are blind...

....and haven't noticed, I have made a grand return to blogging on this site. It's been almost 2 full years since I regularly posted anything here, and I had actually completely forgotten about it until my dear friend Blondie brought it up. Well, since I seem to have a decent amount of free time these days, I decided to get it going again. So I hope you like what you read, otherwise, I don't really care. ;-)

World’s Best Office Prank

First buy lots of paper cups (it’s important to get paper, not plastic or foam, you’ll see why in a minute).

And I mean lots. Dozens and dozens.

Arrange them over every possible inch of space on the victim’s desk.

Then staple them all together as close to the rim as you can, each cup to the ones on each side, so they are all attached. (This is why you need paper cups, foam or plastic split or disintegrate.) Wherever one cup touches another at the rim, staple.

Next, fill each cup as full as you can possible get it - surface tension full - with water.

Finally, retire to a safe distance, wait, watch and enjoy.