What to do....what to do

I want to have a goal for my birthday party this week. I'll be turning 30, so I want to try to attain 30 of something within the time constraints of the party itself. So, what should I do??? I was thinking of getting 30 kisses...but anyone that knows me can vouch that that isn't really a challenge. There will easily be more than 30 women at the party that have already kissed me and would readily do it again. So, what then? 30 handjobs? Ouch, I wouldn't have any skin left. 30 blowjobs? I mean, is that even possible?? How about seeing 30 sets of boobs? Now we're talking! Or making out with 30 different chicks. Again, totally do-able! So, let me know what suggestions you may have...I want to hear them! No, I am not open to doing 30 tequila shots, but thanks anyway. Yes, I know that Patron goes down like water but it comes back up like every other tequila!

I don't know why...

...but this totally cracks me up. Maybe it's the look of disdain on his his face. Not really sure.

Yep, I'm totally wearing this on May 2nd

Deal with it...and better yet, do what it says!

Birthday Bash

Here are the details for my 30th birthday bash: http://www.gettingold.org

Where do they go?

Why is it that you never see a funeral hearse at a gas pump? I mean, they need gas too, don't they? Or is there some deep dark secret that the funeral industry isn't telling us? Do these things run on embalming fluid....or worse yet, blood?

Nokia's newest ad campaign

I like it! It's concise, informative, and gets straight to the point.

Neat idea....but it wouldn't work in the dirty dirty south

I like this guy's concept. He tied a disposable camera to a park bench with instructions for people to use it. Yes, he tied it...with string...which is why is would easily be stolen in the dirty dirty south. Anyway, the results were interesting. Some pics were cute, some were a waste of film, but overall it was still intriguing to see what other people deemed worthy of a picture.

The art of looking busy

If you are anything like me, you really don't feel like working most of the time. I have devised a list of things to do that will make you look really busy without actually getting a single iota of work done. By using the below listed items, I was given an assistant to handle some of my workload (yes, I am dead serious), and now she actually completes the majority of my work while I get credit for it!

1. Walk really fast when you are going anywhere as to appear that you have somewhere important to be. Do this even if you are going to the breakroom for coffee.

2. Carry a notebook with you while walking down the hallway. An open file folder will work as well. Study the notebook or folder intently as you walk, or at least while walking by the boss’s office.

3. Make copies of something at various times throughout the day. I usually keep an old TPS report lying around just for this purpose. Use this is combination with #1 for added effect.

4. Randomly curse when someone walks by your desk. Make sure that you are looking intently at a piece of paper, or the computer screen. Shaking your head is a nice added effect.

5. Shuffle papers around on your desk. It helps to have a mountain of paperwork on your desk to make it more realistic.

6. Look pissed off. "The damn clients are never satisfied!" This and #4 go together like strippers and STDs.

7. Chat with your friends via instant messengers all day. I concurrently use Gtalk, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, and AIM. The furious typing that I do to keep up with my friends resonates to other people who then think that you are insanely busy!

8. Have your friends call your office number, so that you can close your office door for this “important business call”. Never talk on your cell phone while at work…it’s a dead giveaway.

9. Stay a little bit late one night a week so that everyone thinks that you are a hard worker and trying to get work done. In reality you will be on MySpace, Facebook, eBay, etc.

10. Finally, if you are still looking for ways to look busy, try using the forms found here to kill some time.

Google's new logo

How background people ruin your photos

Really???

Retirement at 30?

Thanks to all the wonderful people that visit this blog and click ads to support my advertisers, I have increased my daily revenue on the blog from $2 daily to over $20 daily! Yeehaw!!! This daily average increase has occurred in just over a week and a half since I started monetizing this blog. Man, I need to start some more blogs and keep this momentum going!

Looks can be deceiving...maybe even deadly

This Day-Timer™ organizing notebook may look innocuous to the untrained eye, but inside it lurks a deep dark secret. Within it lies a killing machine like none other. This Day-Timer is the daytime home to a Glock 23C .40 caliber compensated pistol. Yes, it is true...I am, in fact, a bad man. Don't mess with me and you might be able to stay alive. I'm just kidding people! This pistol is only used for good, not evil. I only carry this pistol in the event that I come across a robbery, a rape, a carjacking, a kidnapping, a drug deal gone bad, maybe a domestic disturbance...who knows. Keep in mind that you don't have to shoot a gun for it to be effective. I could simply pistol whip someone into submission. Read my previous post for an example of such use. I know that many of you out there reading this blog are anti-gun. For those of you that know me, you know that I don't really care. As long as you grant me my rights to own and carry a gun (with the proper license of course), I'll grant you your rights to be an anti-gun hippie. I kid, I kid! (I know that I'll get a response from Erica on this one fo sho!)

No really, I'm serious.

Most of my friends and family won't believe this....at all. I've decided to join the local rugby team. I start practice next week...every Tuesday and Thursday night. Before you even say it, yes, I know that I am a not-so-big-and-muscular computer geek and that I will get hit pretty hard in rugby. I'm fine with that. I used to be quite athletic playing soccer and running cross country. I was pretty good if I do say so myself. Anyway, I'm still learning all the rules with the help of many friends that have been playing for years. This should be fun...and deadly...but hopefully more fun than deadly.

A Solution for the Middle East Turmoil

For those that don't know this, I am a worrier. I know you really couldn't guess that by talking with me, but it's true. So one of the things that is weighing heavily on my mind lately is the Middle East. More specifically, I'm worried about the Israel/Palestine issue. The problems in that area could easily spark World War III, and thus the end of civilization as we know it. I mean, there will still be humans on Earth, but we'll all be dealing with nuclear fallout and other fun stuff like that. Anyway, so I've been thinking about ways to solve the Israel/Palestine issue. I found a solution. Rather, I should say, my mother found the solution. We were out having dinner last night before she heads back to Europe, and we were remarking about the bacon wrapped scallops that were SO GOOD. A light bulb went off in her head. An epiphany had just been born. Angels were singing and playing harps around the table. It was an enlightened moment. Bacon. Bacon is the answer. Neither the Arabs in Palestine nor the Jews in Israel eat bacon. That's why they are so pissed off! Come on people, wouldn't you be pissy if you couldn't eat bacon every now and then??? So, now we have a solution. Let's force them to break one little rule of their religion and have them eat bacon. The fighting will stop. The obesity will start. Happiness will ensue. They'll all be fat and happy. Hell, they might even be seen eating together at local eateries...sharing a bacon infused appetizer. Problem solved. Peace out.

Truth in advertising...finally